Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Choice: Part Two

Read Part One here.

Why am I telling this story in two parts?  Because this is the part I didn't know if I could tell.

I've said before that part of the reason I placed my daughter for adoption was because I felt guilty that I could get pregnant so easily when there were women out there who desperately wanted babies but couldn't get pregnant.

But I felt guilty for another reason.  I had already had one abortion.

I was sixteen years old and on track to be valedictorian of my class.  Then, I found out that I was pregnant.

I was captain of the soccer team, a part of choir, president of the school's community service club.  I was working hard to make the best of high school so that I could hopefully go to college on a full scholarship.  I couldn't have a baby.

I had a boyfriend.  We were in agreement.  I would have an abortion.

I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant.  In fact, if anyone who knows my real identity reads this blog today, they will be the first people I know in real life to find out.  I went to court to get permission to go ahead without my parents' consent.  I got my dad to switch my bank account over to my name only so I could withdraw the $300 I needed.  I was lucky to be a good student.  My dad called me out of school whenever I wanted so it was easy to miss the days I needed.

A girl I barely knew took me to the clinic.  I was put to sleep.  After, I went back to my boyfriend's house to recover.  Life went on.

I have no regrets.  I don't feel sad about it.  I don't feel guilty.  My abortion was a million times easier to get over than the placement of my daughter.

I kept playing soccer, played the lead in the school musical, and I did graduate as valedictorian of my high school class.

I did fantasize sometimes about walking at graduation with my baby.  But I wasn't stupid.  A baby was the last thing I needed.  I'm so thankful I had that choice.

3 comments:

shesaysforever said...

Thank you for sharing part one and part two. I think they are both essential to your story. I think the part two justifies your Pro-Choice decision even more than part one did.

shesaysforever said...

Thank you for sharing part one and part two. I think they are both essential to your story. I think the part two justifies your Pro-Choice decision even more than part one did.

Anonymous said...

You have courage in sharing this. I relate very much to it.