The weekend after visiting with my daughter, I was part of a birthparent panel at a one-day training session on infant adoption.
I've never done anything like that before, and had no idea what to expect. I had just flown back home the day before so I made the mistake of missing the morning session. I don't think most of the afternoon panel members (adoptive parents, adoptees, and birthparents) went to the morning session, but I think it would have been very valuable.
The adoptive parents and adoptees went up first. I listened carefully to their stories. Lots of talk about openness, but none as open as mine. The questions were the interesting part. I listened carefully, noting which ones could be asked of the birthparents also and thinking about my answers. I was started to get excited about speaking.
When we got up there, we were asked to give a brief description of our adoption situation. I listened to some heavily grieving folks, and then it was my turn. I did okay. I was still on a high from having such a good visit so my biggest worry was that I made it seem too easy. Those of you who have read this blog know I don't find it easy. I know I made it seem like it though. My husband told me later that I should have talked longer, but I didn't want to take up too much time, and I figured I'd get the chance to answer questions.
The other birthparents spoke. I definitely didn't fit. But we were all so different that we probably all felt that way.
Then it was time for questions. But there were none. People are still awkward with birthparents. It was so clear after we spoke. No questions, and then when it was over and we rejoined the crowd, a couple of people came up to me to than me, but most of the people just gave me a wary look.
I would do it again though. And next time, I'll prepare ahead so I don't make it seem too easy.
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4 comments:
5 years ago I was the guest speaker at Infant Adoption Awareness. I was the last to speak. All these A-Parents that spoke, Some of which seemed to have a totally societal view and stereo type about us birthmothers. I was pre-pared, I went up to the platform and took that microphone. I blew them away! I had that room in laughter, to TEARS! Because I just do not tolerate belittling nor stereo typing birth moms, or birth parents. Nor any Adoptive family that does not HONOR open adoption terms. Or adoptive parents that fear us birth mothers. The very ANGELS that sacrificed our all to give our precious babies lives. In my case to give my bdaughter a two parent home.
Loved your blog! I believe that it is important to tell our stories. It is empowering, and KNOWLEDGE is power.
just found your blog randomly and I felt the urge to comment.:)
I am a mom of 2 babies, but I have miscarried twice. But I still feel like I can really empathize...I don't know how anyone could be hurtful to anyone who chose to give their child to a good home, because I certainly respect you for doing so out of the goodness of your heart. I honestly haven't ever thought about how hard and never-ending it would be to miss them all your life and reading a few of your posts is just heart-breaking and bittersweet. I guess i don't really have anything to really contribute, but wish for love and comfort for you and yours. :)
-Samantha*
Love this!
So glad I stumbled across your blog and all it's wonder.
Thanks for inspiration
Aly
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